


Forever Hold Your Peace

by BytheSea (ye_old_cactus)



Series: A little pick me up [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bittersweet, John Shepard - Freeform, M/M, Not Beta Read, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 01:04:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17653067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ye_old_cactus/pseuds/BytheSea
Summary: Loving Kaidan was, to Shepard, the most natural thing since he was 5 years old, Kaidan not loving him back, was the only thing Shepard knew since he was 5 years old.This is about Shepard being next to Kaidan through everything and Kaidan not letting him go, despite everything.





	Forever Hold Your Peace

**Author's Note:**

> this is a little bit different to what I usually write but well.. I had fun

Jay Jay, loved Kaidan. He'd known him since they were toddlers, thanks to Kaidan's parents living right next to Jay Jay's moms and as they got to know each other, it took Jay Jay but a few months to realize he loved Kaidan. He was only 5 or so years old and thought nothing of it, like it was a second nature to him, he went as far as to tell his mommy Hannah about it and then she told mommy Jane and they were both okay with that and so was Kaidan when Jay Jay hugged him and told him he loved him back.

As they grew up, when Johnny was 12 years old, he was in an accident with other 30 something kids, their school bus didn't do well with snow and by the end of the day only 15 of them made it out... he did, Kaidan did... but their best friend Ashley didn't and seeing Kaidan bloody and bruised made Johnny realized he didn't love Kaidan, he _loved_ Kaidan. This time he told his mommy Jane and she told mommy Hannah. He didn't tell Kaidan, afraid of what that entailed, but he still hugged him as hard as he could when they were alone, mostly during sleepovers.

At 17 years old, John _still_ loved Kaidan and time passing only made his feelings grow stronger, he'd told both his moms but he still didn't tell Kaidan... the long, hard hugs stopped, too... giving space to what Garrus called 'bro hugs', and they were given every time John could and sometimes he'd go as far as to put his arm around Kaidan's shoulder who he swore seemed to lean into his embrace, Liara said so, too.

And then at 22 years old, Shep still loved Kaidan and not just the puppy love he knew he'd felt since they were little kids. He'd told Hannah and then he'd told Jane and then they talked about it with each other, Shep eavesdropping on them by mere luck. One of them had said hopeless, the other one, hopeful.

Garrus knew and leaned towards hopeless, Liara knew and she was hopeful, Wrex knew and was hopeless, Tali knew and she was hopeful. Shep was lost and Kaidan none the wiser.

And then they were 30 and Shepard had a boyfriend he liked and Kaidan had a girlfriend he loved and Garrus and Tali were together and raising an preteen they just happened to adopt and Liara had a kid and Wrex was married and Jane and Hannah were travelling the galaxy and Shep still loved Kaidan and Kaidan still considered him his best friend.

Then 34 brought weddings, and that was how he was standing next to Kaidan, hearing him say what Shepard had always wanted to hear about him from Kaidan, but the ring he had in his hand didn't belong to Shepard and the ring Kaidan was wearing wasn't placed there by Shepard and the wedding didn't belong to them and the only reason why he was standing next to Kaidan was because he'd asked Shepard to be his best man and Shepard said yes because he couldn't say no to Kaidan and his heart was breaking because he still loved Kaidan.

The beginning of his 40s were filled with child's laughter, little Ashley in pigtails being chased by his papa Kaidan around Shepard's house and he was blissfully happy... until Kaidan's wife came out with Shepard's current partner to tell them dinner was ready.

Ashley ran to Shepard's arms and he raised her effortlessly, Kaidan commenting how she seemed to love Shepard more than him and him replying with how much he'd love Kaidan to make up for Ashley. He wasn't lying because he still loved him, not like when he was 5 o 12 or 17 or 30 or 34 or yesterday because every single fucking day he loved him more and more and it was eating him from the inside out and he still stayed quiet.

When 55 rolled around and Hannah and Jane had finally retired and Garrus and Tali were grandparents and Liara won another prize and Wrex had inherited the family throne and little Ashley was off to college, Shepard was drinking a beer outside his house with his dog curled around his feet and his hamster sleeping on top of his dog and his heart still belonged to Kaidan.

And his heart started beating a mile per hour when he saw Kaidan's Tacoma stopping in front of his house and when he ran in front of the car to open the passenger's door and when he got out of the car a sleeping Johnny.

Shepard smiled, remembering how on the day his wife gave birth to their second son Kaidan had to take a Uber to the hospital because thanks to Shepard he was shitfaced and how Shepard, who paid for the Uber, had dare him to name his son John and how 10 years later his wife still hadn't forgive them for doing so.

And then Kaidan handed Johnny to Shepard and sat on the chair next to Shepard's own and then Kaidan sighed and then he cried.

Shepard left him cry himself hoarse and when he was only hiccupping now, Shepard finally asked what happened this time with her.

Kaidan had never been one to give up, so Shepard wasn't surprised when he learned she was the one who did. "Got her shit and left", though Kaidan didn't tell him that, Ashley did... that same morning.

She was surprised her father wasn't there already because it had happened a couple of days ago and his Kaidan wasn't answering his phone and she was worried.

He'd shoot Ash a quick text, telling her Kaidan and Johnny were there, she said thanks.

It took no time for Kaidan to settle in Shepard's house. His moms had left it to him and it had rooms to spare, rooms he had no use for so, Kaidan took one and when Ashley came too see his dad, she took the same one Johnny was in.

A handful of hundreds years earlier, humans' life expectancy barely reached the 80 years old, now it went up to the 150s. Shepard was 65 when he thought maybe he was the exception because he'd had a cold for the past week he just couldn't shake.

Ashley had come to take care of him one day and then Johnny came another one. Garrus had stopped by with Tali when they were on their way to see Jona and their grandkids, and Kaidan never left his side.

The day his fever spiked and he couldn't get up from the bed, he'd had a dream. He was in bed sick and Kaidan was sitting on a chair, next to his bed. He looked beautiful, Shepard thought and he'd called him John and it'd been ages since someone called him that.

He'd said John in the sweetest way possible, he'd pressed a cold, soft hand on his forehead, his brow was furrowed and he was biting his lower lip in worry.

A salarian doctor said it was a normal cold and that he was being dramatic and just needed to sweat it out but Shepard was sure he was going to die and he didn't want to go without telling Kaidan he loved him, so he did and Kaidan smiled. _I love you, too,_ he'd said and Shepard mirrored his smile and fell asleep in his dream.

A week later he was as healthy as ever, convinced he was going to live to 200 and everything was okay... Until the day he was watching t.v. with Ash who spent more time in his house than in Kaidan's, and she'd said the magic words, those that involved " _you are_ " and " _in love_ " and " _with my dad._ " Shepard didn't deny it. He was past that but it still surprised him enough to have him sweating bullets.

He apologized, though he didn't know why and Ashley chuckled. _Should I tell him?_ He'd asked her. _You already did_ , she replied.

A week after the 70s arrived, Ashley got married, her mother didn't come to the wedding, though she hadn't been invited. Ashley had walked to the altar with Kaidan on her right and Shepard on her left. _Unorthodox_ someone had commented, _like me,_ she'd replied. James, her husband-to-be didn't mind and that was enough.

For someone who had already moved out of her dad's house and spent most of the time in his father's best friend's house, Kaidan had been reluctant to go back to said house because Ash wasn't there. That was how for the first month after the wedding, Johnny and Kaidan lived with Shepard.

They still used the same rooms, even Johnny who came only every once in a while because of college. Not for the first time, Ashley had asked them why they didn't live together but Kaidan always said he couldn't intrude in Shepard's life like that... but only because he didn't know he was Shepard's life, though Ashley did.

Then 75 brought another John to Shepard's life, though he came with a Kaidan and they shared the Vega last name and the same face. Kaidan's family officially had more John's than Shepard's own.

At 80, Shepard was finally starting to feel life take its toll on his body. He couldn't run the same as before, couldn't eat as much as he used to and couldn't get up from bed without hearing at least two bones crack. Kaidan, a few years older than him was no better, mostly because the tool life had taken on him had been bigger, namely 2 kids, a runaway wife and 2 grandkids with a third one on the way. To Shepard he looked as beautiful as ever and one day, when he'd come to visit Shepard, Kaidan had finally told him he offered the house to Ash and James. Their family was getting bigger and it was time for them to settle down in an actual house instead of an apartment.

Shepard didn't ask where he was going to stay, he just smiled, nodded and offered himself to help him bring the rest of his stuff to his... their house.

At 85, Kaidan had been rushed to the ER because of a heart attack... Shepard knew the place by heart because just last year, he'd lost Jane and a few months after, Hannah followed. It had been the shitiest year so far.

Johnny kept him company, with Ashley off planet, Kaidan only had them both, though she was on her way with John, Kaidan, James Jr. and James.

For Shepard it had been the most awkward time he'd had with Johnny, for the first time he had no idea what to do or what to say to him. He was worried sick and the thought of losing Kaidan had never crossed his mind until that time and if he thought unrequited love for the last 80 years was bad, losing Kaidan couldn't even begin to compare.

He'd been mad at Hannah for leaving him alone, despite not being her fault that she died, but now he could understand. 80 years was something but his mothers were together for over a hundred and now he was surprised Hannah made it alive those few months without Jane.

The day they let Kaidan go, Shepard refused too leave his room in their house, even if his own room was right next to Kaidan's. He woke up on the bed instead of the chair he'd fallen asleep on and with Johnny being the only one in the house besides them, he couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed about Johnny carrying him to bed to sleep with his father.

That morning, when Kaidan opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Shepard, he finally said it, loud and clear, _I love you_ he'd told Shepard who thought he was dreaming, _I want to spend the rest of my life with you_ , he said, too and then Shepard cried.

At 135 they're sitting on the porch of their house, the inside of it is filled with photos of long lost friends, of long lost family. A hand is holding Shepard's, a hand with a ring that looks the same as his own, a ring engraved with 'True Love - K+J', a description that matches the life he'd had for the last half century, a life he never thought he'd have. _I love you_ , Shepard whispers Kaidan. _I love you, too_ , Kaidan whispers back.

Then they grip each other's hand and then they smile and then they close their eyes and then they stay together forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I kept picturing Shep in a ranch so.... diwvsiwhjskw


End file.
